The real story behind Cranky Kong
by Super Fanfic Entertainment
Summary: Is Cranky really what he says he is? Now with a bonus, Jumpman is not Mario's father.
1. Chapter 1

**The real story behind Cranky Kong.**

Cranky Kong sat in his chair looking cranky as usual. Suddenly Mario came along and just stared at him awkwardly.

"What?" Cranky asked.

"You're supposed to be the original Donkey Kong that kidnapped Pauline right?" Mario asked.

"That's right. What do ya what?"

"If you're the original Donkey Kong, how come I'm not old too?" Mario asked.

"Kongs age differently from humans." Cranky replied. "I'm guessing you're in your mid 40's now."

"No I'm only 27 according to a Smash Bros trophy."

"Regardless I'm still the original Donkey Kong." Cranky replied.

"Bullshit. Look at Yoshi's Island DS. That has Donkey Kong as a baby along with me and Luigi, that suggests right there that Kongs age similarly to humans. Also how come the new Donkey Kong with the tie also appears with Donkey Kong Jr in more recent games? Such as the 1994 Donkey Kong, that features Donkey Kong how he looks now with the tie? Donkey Kong Jr has also appeared in Mario Kart, Mario Tennis and the Game Boy Game and Watch Series. And I'm not the only one who should be older, a good amount of the others should be older too. Luigi, Wario, Waluigi, Pauline, Peach don't look any older."

"Ermm…erm…." Cranky Kong struggled.

Suddenly Donkey Kong Jr came along. He looked similar to his appearance in the Donkey Kong Jr arcade game. "Hi Grandpa." He waved.

"ALRIGHT! I'M A FRAUD! !" Cranky Kong then cried.

"I just said "Hi Grandpa." Said a puzzled Donkey Kong Jr.

"I'm not the original Donkey Kong, I'm just his father, Donkey Kong is the same as he's always been, he just decided to not wear a tie for a brief period!"

"But why did you lie?" Mario asked.

"I'm a nobody, that's why! I'm a bigger loser than Waluigi! I never did anything except raise my son! I've been lying to my old pension's club! So that when I die, I'll at least be remembered for something! I lie that in the original Donkey Kong I was at least 55 years old and as I retired, the age really kicked in!

"I knew something was up." Mario smiled.

"A bigger loser than Waluigi." DK Jr spoke. "I didn't think that was possible."

"Don't tell anybody please! My son and grandson just go along with it, they just want me to be remembered!"

"Sigh….fine. Good day, Cranky and Junior." Mario walked off.

Meanwhile Wario had heard everything behind Cranky Kong's house.

"Wait till all my friends at Wario Ware, hear this." He grinned at Waluigi who was with him.

"Am I really a loser?" replied Waluigi. Tears appeared in his eyes.

"Of course you are! You only appear in spin offs! Even Stanley the Bugman appeared inhis only main game!" Wario replied.

"Let ME tell your friends. That way Cranky appears as the no 1 loser." Waluigi said.

"Fine." Wario rolled his eyes.

**THE END.**


	2. Jumpman is not Mario's father

Jumpman is NOT Mario's father.

Hello, I'm Mario and I'm here to disprove a theory many people make up about me.

In the Donkey Kong games, because Cranky Kong is the original Donkey Kong and I haven't aged. Many people make stupid theories that the character in Donkey Kong is my dad, that "he's not Mario, that's Jumpman!" They also make bogus theories that I , no sorry my dad dies at the end of Donkey Kong Jr.

WHAT. A. LOAD. OF. BULLSHIT.

In Donkey Kong Jr for the NES, after beating all 4 levels I fall off a long cliff and fall off a long distance. I lie on the ground with a halo on my head and some people think that I….no sorry my dad (God this is gonna get confusing.) dies at the end of the game.

Has anybody played Donkey Kong Jr for the Arcade!? In that version I clearly get back up, and chase Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr off the screen. Donkey Kong gives me a kick and I go flying on the screen again, again I don't die, I get back up and run off. That proves my so-called dad didn't DIE!

And as long as I'm believing my dad's dead and I'm traumatized for life or something. Why can't I bring my dad back from the dead with say…..a FUCKING 1UP MUSHROOM!?

Also if the son of Jumpman is supposed to be the present Mario seen in games like the Mario vs Donkey Kong series. Then why the hell hasn't Pauline aged too? Pauline still looks like a young woman. Anybody who thinks I'm rescuing my very young looking mom in that game are idiots.

Also the NES manuals for the games of Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr clearly call me Mario in them! Jumpman was my name before Nintendo decided to name me Mario. It is NOT a separate character in the series. In the Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr games, I have actually been referred to as Mario! The manuals clearly say it!

My Smash Bros trophy says I appeared in the original Donkey Kong. It never says I died or anything. I have never been referred to as Mario Jr in ANY GAME whatsoever. And what kinda name for my dad is Jumpman anyway? It's almost as stupid as being named Mario Mario (made fun of in another story. If you click on the author's username.)

The Mario for some reason has always been the same one in all the games. You can believe chapter 1 of this story or not. But whatever the reason that I haven't aged the same as Cranky Kong, I'm pretty sure it's not because of ancestors.

I apologize for the grumpiness but I'm just baffled people could come up with something so stupid. Sorry but that's how I feel…

**THE END.**


End file.
